Wednesday
19Dec
Best Products of 2007
Wednesday, December 19, 2007 at 12:06AM
As 2007 comes to a close, everyone is busy making up his "Best Of" list. Books of the Year, Movies of the Year, Sports Events of the Year, Ad Nausem Lists of the Year. After decades of being shut out, I have decided, damn it, this year I get my turn. So, knowledgeable reader, below please find my Best Products of 2007 list.
Personally, I think best product lists are biased towards high tech. Just because something is high tech doesn't mean it is better than the thing it replaced. Here are some products that were challenged for supremacy in 2007. The challengers failed pathetically.
1. The Book. One day a hundred years from now someone is going to reintroduce the book as "Text without the Internet or Batteries!" But for the present, we endure a recurring story. Every year someone comes out with a fantastic new digital product that is guaranteed to end the reign of the printed volume. The claim usually made is that the New Product is "just as convenient as a book." Which always leads me to wonder what good a $500 product is if it is just as good as something I can check out of the library for free. Why does the world want to re-invent the perfect product? With a book you sit and read. With an electronic gizmo you sit and read and drain the batteries. Throw out the batteries and you've got a great product there, pal -- oh, yes, a book!
The best thing about books is that they are never technologically obsolete. There are people reading 3000 year-old books right this minute. Meanwhile, I have a video tape in my closet today that I bought in 2004, and I can't find a working VCR to play it in. 'Nuff said.
Congrats, Book! The champ and not going anywhere. And now for the runners up.
2. The Toothbrush. As with the book, every few years somebody tries to put the toothbrush out of business. Years ago we got the electric toothbrush, then the Water Pic, and now this latest push for disposable electric toothbrushes. Even floss has failed to keep pace. The manual toothbrush is a classic: Inexpensive, portable, requires no batteries ever, and works in any location from the back seat of the car to the airplane bathroom at 30,000 feet.
And the great thing about the toothbrush is that, once you have worn it out, it's great for putting polish on your shoes. (Try doing that with a Water Pik.) No batteries, good for your health, and 100 percent recyclable. In other words, the perfectly green product.
3. M & Ms. There are better candies in the world, I'll admit. But chocolate that never melts gets high marks in my book. You've got the colors, the crunch, the cascade of chocolate when you put a half dozen in your mouth and bite down. And M&Ms enjoy the best quality a junk food can have: they are abundant and cheap. When Godiva chocolates cost $11 for a 52 ounce bag I'll consider switching them into this spot.
4. The Electric Guitar. I played an electric Gibson throughout high school and can say without reservation that it alone rescued me from complete banishment to geekdom. If you have a child who is exhibiting dorkish behavior, get him or her this instrument without delay.
Think about this: You are alone and unobserved, listing to music on your MP3 player. Suddenly your favorite song of all time from your college days comes on. You start mouthing the words, lip syncing, and you start moving your arms rhythmically, grasping a what? -- an air guitar. Admit it, you've done it. Anyone out there who plays an air harp can go straight to the back of the class.
5. Beer. And I'm talking about good old fashioned locally brewed beer, not that mass-produced hooch advertised on football games. If I want to drink filtered water tainted with a few drops of brewed extract I'll do that myself, thanks. Real beer has real flavor and real style. And it is real cool. You can drink a beer at a wedding, a barbecue, a ballgame, a Presidential inaurgural ball, a papal coronation, or a women's mudwrestling match and not seem out of place. Say the same, Dom Perignon.
6. The Toilet. Let's give credit where credit is due. Science may have made great strides in the last century, but no one has improved on the basic john. It's clean, efficient, works with the operator in a comfortable sitting position, and best of all, you don't have to look if you don't want to. Sure, some tinkerers have marketed toilets with built in phones and HDTV screens, but they are just gilding a lilly. A lilly, admittedly, that doesn't smell like a lily, but a magnificent object nonetheless. If you ever meet a techhead who tells you the iPhone is the greatest invention in human history, bet him $100 that you will do without an iPhone for a month if he will do without a toilet. In 30 days when he comes crawling back to you to pay you your money, remember to clip Best Product #7 to your nose first.
7. The Clothes Pin.
Joyeaux Noel et Bonne Annee!
Personally, I think best product lists are biased towards high tech. Just because something is high tech doesn't mean it is better than the thing it replaced. Here are some products that were challenged for supremacy in 2007. The challengers failed pathetically.
1. The Book. One day a hundred years from now someone is going to reintroduce the book as "Text without the Internet or Batteries!" But for the present, we endure a recurring story. Every year someone comes out with a fantastic new digital product that is guaranteed to end the reign of the printed volume. The claim usually made is that the New Product is "just as convenient as a book." Which always leads me to wonder what good a $500 product is if it is just as good as something I can check out of the library for free. Why does the world want to re-invent the perfect product? With a book you sit and read. With an electronic gizmo you sit and read and drain the batteries. Throw out the batteries and you've got a great product there, pal -- oh, yes, a book!
The best thing about books is that they are never technologically obsolete. There are people reading 3000 year-old books right this minute. Meanwhile, I have a video tape in my closet today that I bought in 2004, and I can't find a working VCR to play it in. 'Nuff said.
Congrats, Book! The champ and not going anywhere. And now for the runners up.
2. The Toothbrush. As with the book, every few years somebody tries to put the toothbrush out of business. Years ago we got the electric toothbrush, then the Water Pic, and now this latest push for disposable electric toothbrushes. Even floss has failed to keep pace. The manual toothbrush is a classic: Inexpensive, portable, requires no batteries ever, and works in any location from the back seat of the car to the airplane bathroom at 30,000 feet.
And the great thing about the toothbrush is that, once you have worn it out, it's great for putting polish on your shoes. (Try doing that with a Water Pik.) No batteries, good for your health, and 100 percent recyclable. In other words, the perfectly green product.
3. M & Ms. There are better candies in the world, I'll admit. But chocolate that never melts gets high marks in my book. You've got the colors, the crunch, the cascade of chocolate when you put a half dozen in your mouth and bite down. And M&Ms enjoy the best quality a junk food can have: they are abundant and cheap. When Godiva chocolates cost $11 for a 52 ounce bag I'll consider switching them into this spot.
4. The Electric Guitar. I played an electric Gibson throughout high school and can say without reservation that it alone rescued me from complete banishment to geekdom. If you have a child who is exhibiting dorkish behavior, get him or her this instrument without delay.
Think about this: You are alone and unobserved, listing to music on your MP3 player. Suddenly your favorite song of all time from your college days comes on. You start mouthing the words, lip syncing, and you start moving your arms rhythmically, grasping a what? -- an air guitar. Admit it, you've done it. Anyone out there who plays an air harp can go straight to the back of the class.
5. Beer. And I'm talking about good old fashioned locally brewed beer, not that mass-produced hooch advertised on football games. If I want to drink filtered water tainted with a few drops of brewed extract I'll do that myself, thanks. Real beer has real flavor and real style. And it is real cool. You can drink a beer at a wedding, a barbecue, a ballgame, a Presidential inaurgural ball, a papal coronation, or a women's mudwrestling match and not seem out of place. Say the same, Dom Perignon.
6. The Toilet. Let's give credit where credit is due. Science may have made great strides in the last century, but no one has improved on the basic john. It's clean, efficient, works with the operator in a comfortable sitting position, and best of all, you don't have to look if you don't want to. Sure, some tinkerers have marketed toilets with built in phones and HDTV screens, but they are just gilding a lilly. A lilly, admittedly, that doesn't smell like a lily, but a magnificent object nonetheless. If you ever meet a techhead who tells you the iPhone is the greatest invention in human history, bet him $100 that you will do without an iPhone for a month if he will do without a toilet. In 30 days when he comes crawling back to you to pay you your money, remember to clip Best Product #7 to your nose first.
7. The Clothes Pin.
Joyeaux Noel et Bonne Annee!
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Reader Comments (2)
No outlet needed, no chance of it crashing.
Books will always be.
As for M&Ms, I like to savor mine one at a time! : )